Drunk and in charge of a golf cart
by The Infamous Fly
Summary: Wendy comes back to the Shack drunk and Dipper has to get her home safely, and survive the madness she puts him through. Fluff mostly with a little humor. Rated T for mild language, and suggestive themes.


**DRUNK AND IN CHARGE OF A GOLF CART**

It was 8:20 PM; Mabel had bothered Grunkle Stan into taking her, Grenda, and Candy to see the Pony Heist series marathon at the movie theater just two hours ago. So the con artist had put Wendy in charge of the shop while he was gone. She of course had gotten a text inviting her to a party half an hour later, and left, asking Dipper to cover for her. He had sighed and obliged, his hopes of spending the evening with her dashed.

For a little while it had just been him and Soos, but that got really awkward real fast, so Soos had decided to go Skype with his girlfriend in the attic. That left Dipper all alone, so he did whatever he did when he felt lonely, he read.

Dipper had just finished reading about the Leprecorn's feeding habits when he heard the front door open up with a jingle and a strange moaning sound. He got up and glanced into the front, about to tell the tourist which had entered that he would ring up their purchase, but found that Wendy had returned. He ran up to her with a bright look in his eyes, but almost immediately realized that something was wrong.

"Wendy! I didn't think you would be back for a while!" She smiled goofily, and leaned down "Of course I'm back, Dippy. They *HIC* ran out of beer." The redhead ruffled his hair before entering the kitchen, and action combined with her nickname for him momentarily stunned him, then he shook himself and followed her in. She opened the fridge and reached way in the back, rifling around for a little bit, before producing one of Stan's beers and closing up the fridge.

"Uh, Wendy, have you been drinking?" He was already pretty sure of the answer, and she confirmed it with a giggle and a snort. "Some idiot challenged me to a...*HIC* drinking contest," She looked confused for a second, then she smiled, "I sure kicked his ass." She popped the can on the cheap table, and after toasting to nothing in particular, took a gulp. Dipper climbed onto the counter, "Uh...Wendy, maybe you should go home." She put the can down and looked at him with a hurt expression, "But I thought that we could to hangout," For a moment she stared at him with irresistible puppy eyes. Then she looked down at the tiles and blew a strand of hair out of her face.

Dipper looked at his watch, and then looked back at the slightly intoxicated Wendy. "Well, I guess we could do something, I mean Mabel and Stan shouldn't be back for a while..." Wendy smiled evilly and spoke like a Saturday morning cartoon.

"EXCELLENT…"

***0* **

"This is gonna be awesome!" Wendy yelled as she stood on top of the roof. Dipper looked over to her with a nervous smile, and then at the ground below. She was holding a glider and ten or fifteen balloons from the shop, "Uh, Wendy, are you sure about this? Maybe instead we should just play monopo-"

She laughed, and grabbing hold of him, she leaped off the roof with him in her arms. He screamed and Wendy fell into a laughing fit as they glided across the front yard and crashed into a large bush.

After a few uncomfortable moments, Dipper stuck his head out of the bush and began checking to make sure that he still had all his limbs. Once he was sure, he exhaled and promised himself to never let Wendy get this drunk again. The teen in question promptly burst out of the bush next to him and scared the living daylights out of him.

He took a few deep breaths while she burst back into laughter, "Oh, man that was incredible, let's do it AGAIN!" Dipper shoot his head and picked up his hat "No, not in a million years!" She laughed and slapped him on the back, "Oh, c'mon, you have to admit that was pretty fun!" Dipper laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "I guess it was fun, in a weird near-death kind of way." She smiled, "I told you so!" She caught sight of the balloons disappearing into the starry sky, and was mesmerized. He looked up at her, with the moonlight shining off her big brown eyes, and her hair disheveled. So the two of them stood there, both unable to tear themselves away.

Then they heard the thunder of Grunkle Stan's beaten up 1987 Diablo arrive, the honking and groaning of the car replaced by Mabel's and Stan's shouts. Dipper sighed, and Wendy turned to see the car arriving. Then Dipper realized that Grunkle Stan wouldn't want a drunken Wendy around, and while he didn't expect him to call the police, or her parents, he wouldn't put it past the old man.

"Wendy, I've been having fun, but I think you should go home." She shook her head, "No way man, the fun is just *HIC* beginning!" He heard his sister and great uncle exit the vehicle, and walk to the Mystery Shack, still quarreling all the way. He took a step to prevent Wendy from taking a step further. "Okay, how…about we go driving in the golf cart?"

She thought about this for a second and nodded, "Yeah! That sounds wicked, okay, see-ah, in the back." She ran off behind The Shack, where the Golf cart had been parked. Dipper sighed and dashed into the Shack, eager to get this over before Wendy hurt herself or destroyed some of Stan's property. He put on a fake smile as he neared his great uncle and twin sister.

"How was I supposed to know that you could get kicked out for settling a feud?" Stan was removing his suit and pants, as he sat in his recliner and turned on the TV. Mabel sat in front of the TV, pouting in the most obvious way possible. Dipper was about to ask Stan for the golf cart keys when she stood up and burst out, "You attacked an old lady because she said your hat was in the way!" Grunkle Stan stood, stretched and walked to the fridge. "She called me smelly too, ya'know. Besides you got to see almost the entire last movie." His euyes scanned the drawers for a moment, before he peered shrewdly at his nephew. "Hey Dipper, what happened to my beer?"

Dipper tried to look innocent and failed miserably, "Beer? I don't know anything about beer. I'm twelve, and what kind of things do you think I would do with beer? Don't you trust me, Grunkle Stan? Why are you asking so many questions? What even is beer?!" The old man looked at him with scrutinizing eyes, "If I was less lazy and more responsible, I might care why you're so suspicious. But seeing how you're not drunk or vomiting you can't have taken the beer, so I really have lost all interest in the subject." He grabbed a Pitt Cola instead and popped it as he sat back down. Mabel spoke up again, "I'll never find out what happens to Butterbun McHoovesy! And my friends will never want to come over for another movie night."

She crossed her arms and stared at the TV with the same frown, Dipper turned back to Grunkle Stan "Umm, could I have the keys to the golf cart?" Stan raised an eyebrow, then he sighed and reached into the pocket of his suit before tossing the keys to his nephew. "Really? Your just gonna give me the keys?" The old man shrugged, "You really don't understand the whole too lazy and irresponsible thing do ya'? I don't care what ya' do with her as long as she comes back in one piece."

For a second Dipper thought he was referring to Wendy, but his blush faded when he realized the Stan was talking about the golf cart. He nodded and ran into the backyard, to find Wendy was sitting in the driver's seat and rocking the golf cart back and forth. He walked around the other side and gave her the keys jumping unto the passenger's seat and buckling up. She turned to him, "Where do you wanna go?" He sighed, "I think we should get you home before it's too late…" She nodded and pulled out, "Yeah! Let's do this!"

Five seconds later she crashed the cart into a bush, and Dipper decided that he should drive. He asked her to pull out, and once she did they switched positions. This meant for a moment, he was very close to her breasts. He climbed into the driver's seat and tried to forget how she smelled, and how close they had been for a moment. He turned the keys and started driving towards the Corduroy residence.

Since it was dark, he asked Wendy to hold a flashlight and point it at the road in front of them, allowing him to watch out for debris and passing cars. Five minutes in Wendy had taken off her shirt, and swung it around in the air as she yelled phrases such as "WE KICKASS!" and "DRIVIN' IN THE WOODS! YEAH WE BE DRIVIN' IN THE WOODS." Dipper looked up at her nervously, "Wendy, could you keep it down, we don't-" He stopped when saw how revealing her undershirt was and the golf cart swerved, nearly crashing into a tree.

Wendy looked down at him smugly, "Dude, you want me to drive?" He shook his head, "No! I'm fine, thank you." and turned back to the dirt road, trying to keep of looking back at her, trying to keep them both from getting killed.

Finally they arrived, and Dipper smiled and lay back in relic. After a little bit Wendy had calmed down and decided to go to sleep, a smile on her face. Dipper looked at her, a warm, yet aching filling him. Like he wanted so badly to make sure nothing bad ever happened to her, and knew he couldn't. He sunk back down in his seat, and stared up at the sky, almost on the verge of tears coming to his eyes. _C'mon you wimp, keep it together._

"You okay?" He was startled by her voice, and didn't have time to remove the wetness from his eyes before she saw it. She leaned over, and brushed away the tears with her thumb. He just sat, petrified as she peered at him with on some level, understanding. Once she was finished she sat back down and she made eye contact with him, but spoke as though he shouldn't be embarrassed in the least, "There we go, all better." She smiled and he did likewise.

They climbed out of the golf cart and walked to the door, he asked her if her parents would be mad at her for getting drunk, and she asked him to help her get past them. _Naturally_, he agreed to. They strolled inside as though everything in the universe was at ease, and saw Wendy's family sitting on the couch. Just as they had almost made it to the stairs, her little brother spotted them.

"WENDY's BACK! And she's got a boyfriend!" The other two brother turned as well, and grinned before they began chanting. "WENDY'S GOT A BOYFREIND! WENDY'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!"

Dipper blushed, but his face grew even redder when his crush linked her hands around him. "Oh yeah? So what if I do?!" Manly Dan stood and stomped over to them. "WENDY, WERE YOU OUT SMOOCHING WITH THIS RUNT!?" The grins of Wendy's brothers widened, and they began a new chant.

"WENDY'S BEEN SMOOCHING A RUNT, WENDY'S BEEN SMOOCHING A RUNT!" Dipper ignored the outright mockery, and desperately swung his hands back and forth. "No way sir, we're not-" Wendy on the other hand, stood up for her friend. "HE'S NOT A RUNT DAD! He's fought demons and robots, and he's saved the whole universe!" Dipper's eyes widened with the praise, and he looked up at Wendy, shocked that she saw him in that light.

"SO _THIS _IS WHO YOU DATE AFTER THAT BLACKED HAIRED WEASEL?!" Dipper stepped forward, "We're just friends Mr. Corduroy. Trust me, there is NOTHING romantic going on!" The lumberjack lifted a caterpillar-like eyebrow. "THEN WHY WERE YOU OUT SO LATE!?" Wendy stuttered for an answer, before looking down at Dipper for help. "YOU WEREN'T OUT DRINKIN' WERE YOU?" Dipper stepped between the drunk teenager and the testosterone goliath, "She was helping me look for the Hide-Behind. Sorry for coming home so late. We lost track of time and…uh, then Wendy hit her head! Yeah, she hit her head…"

"YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER OUT LOOKING FOR THE HIDE-BEHIND?" He began checking Wendy's head, much to her dismay. "ARE YOU ALRIGHT WENDY?" Dipper began wishing that he had assembled a story on the ride here, but spoke the first thing which came to mind. "We went to the doctor and he said she was fine. She's just a little drowsy because of it, so I helped get her home!" He started to push Wendy towards the staircase, "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL?" Wendy half-turned her head to answer, "We…uh…forgot! Yes, so sorry we forgot, it wouldn't happen again!"

Manly Dan frowned, meanwhile called up the stair, "HEY! KID!" Dipper stopped moving and slowly curved to him with fidgeting hands. "Y-yes sir…" The immense lumberjack scaled the stairs in a few strides, and poked Dipper with a sausage sized finger. "DON'T YOU EVER, _EVER_, **_EVER_**, TAKE MA' LITTLE GIRL, OUT LOOKIN' FOR THE HIDE-BEHIND, AGAIN!" Dipper gulped hard enough to damage his spine and nodded his now extremely pale head, before inching away and covering his dry lips in saliva. Manly Dan returned downstairs and as Dipper stepped back a hand shot out of Wendy's room and pulled him inside.

"GAHH!-" Wendy smiled and tossed her friend onto her bed, before jumping on as well. Her impact caused Dipper to bounce and almost fall off. "Don't be too scared of my dad, he's a big softie on the inside."

Dipper nodded, "Well, I'll just have to remember that when he BURIES ME ALIVE!" She giggled at his expression and he joined her. She lay back, and Dipper took it as his cue to leave. He slid off the bed as she stared at the ceiling. "Well, uh…goodnight, and good luck with your hangover." She called out as he neared the door, "Dipper…wait." He stopped and spent a few seconds staring at the door, before he turned back to her. "I never thanked you…" She reached over and pulled him up to the bed, "Well…Uh, I mean, it's fine, you just needed a little help and I-" She leaned over and shut him up with a kiss on the forehead. "My little hero..."

She lay back down and pulled the covers over her, not bothering to take off her shoes. A stunned and euphoric Dipper stood beside her bed for a few minutes following, staring at her in amazement. He developed a tiny smile of certain happiness as he exited the room, and carefully closed the door. He walked down the stairs and said goodnight to Wendy's parents before leaving the confines of the house.

The moment he was outside, his little smile grew into a giant grin and he began doing somersaults, handsprings, and cartwheels around the yard. Finally, when he had half worn himself out, he jumped into the golf cart and drove away at the vehicles top speed, hooting and hollering the whole way home.


End file.
